So there I am drinking a nice glass of bleach, lemon scented for that morning zest and fresh breath when I get the noble idea to watch cartoons. Now I am in no way a cartoon connoisseur but I know good toonage when I see it. So there I am lounging on the couch, bleach in one hand and remote in the other, happy as a jay bird, channel surfing away as the sweet sound of my tendons popping echoed through the house. Now I was at my peak excitement, I wondered what fantastic show would I find today, cause I knew when it came to entreating television one just can’t beat the Saturday selection. Then I saw it, I had to do a TV double take and clean my glasses to make sure but there on the screen before me was…G-Force!!! A historical aside and definition of terms for the lay person…before the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, before Transformers, and yes even before Voltron, there was G-force. A group of super hero teens that hung out in a secret base under the sea and when they weren’t throwing back cheese burgers and sucking down soda-pops they were dressed in hip bird costumes killing bad guys and blowing things up with bird missiles fired from their ship, the Phoenix, all the while keeping the world safe for humanity, in an early eighties, late 70’s Speed Racer japanimization manner. So there I was bleach trickling down my chin as I sat staring at the TV a look of utter shock racing across my face, when in a very Hollywood slow-motion manner I was ripped back into reality by the voices and dialogue of this, now obvious, hoax. This was not G-Force, and as a commercial break ensued and my senses were flooded with images of the latest toy, a mad scientist lab where you could eat the slime that oozed from a skeletal head, a lump formed in my stomach and a wave of nausea washed over me as I realized that I had been drinking bleach. In a matter of moments I was in the bathroom praying to the porcelain god and depositing my offerings in its mighty mouth, now warm bleach, a frosted flake/ milk mush, and ham..I don’t know why but it’s always there. Now filled with that post-pucking adrenaline rush I grabbed the pitcher of cool-aide to rinse my pallet and once again gazed upon the charade. I was sickened by what I saw, some bastard had taken my childhood show and had torn it apart taken bits and pieces of it to make a new terrible show they called the "Eagle Riders" I nearly puked again. I plead to you, my fellow patriots and Matriots and lupiots and caniots and idiots and all the rest of you iots, to heed my warning, for this is a call to arms, to banish this vial beast , to quash this sacrilege to the most blessed eighties , the decade that saw the birth of the Beastie boys and the death of John Lennon. For if we do not eradicate this infection now I shudder to think what will be next…so please, for all that is holy, for all that has reared us and made us the people we are today I beg you to call your congress persons and complain about this atrocity, make your voices heard lest you are never able to speak again because the people who have made this mockery have a loftier agenda I assure you , they do not seek the defilement of one show, one Icon if you will, but total world domination!
Here are some links to different G-force sites just so you can find out what it is all really about:
The first G-fore page I found when I did a net search