The World of Nog
The question one must ask oneself is, "what is the meaning of the universe?" I here have the answer it is the 'NOG.' EggNog is the primordial goo that spawned life, as we know it. Now what is EggNog? How does it affect humanity? What made man wan t to drink it?
Eggnog is that which is most holy. It is that which is eternal and shapes every action in the universe. Egg Nog has a consciousness, yet most humans have not yet risen to a state of consciousness that would allow them to know the Nog.
The word Nog came from Sanskrit meaning "All that is good and pure" but the Nog has been tainted by humanity's desires. There is now a price to gaining understanding. At this time one must pass the test of the NOG in order to rise above the ignorant masses and gain that which has been promised to us.
To most Egg Nog is simply a drink had at Christmas. Those who see it as such a libation are fools. The enlightened know the Nog in it's present form as the most addictive substance on Earth. You may ask, "how can such a narcotic be allowed to be sold legally?" The answer is simple it is the will of the Nog. The Nog has a life and a consciousness and it has begun to take back the world that it started. Now back to the original accusation, "The Nog is the most addictive substance in the universe ." How do I prove this?" It is very simple, take a glass of Nog, fill it up and drink. ( oh, oh yes it is good) While the Nog is being consumed and interesting event occurs, the imbiber only has one urge, one want, and that is to consume more. They o nly want to embrace the ecstasy of the Nog, bask in it's life it's purity but the glass must run out and when it does then comes the price of freedom. Suddenly the imbiber is struck with the worse case of withdraw ever known. The feeling overtakes the v ictim and the severity of the pain and its duration is dependent upon the amount consumed. There is a fable of a man that once thought to take a sip of Nog from a gallon pitcher. He thought himself a wise and able person, he thought that he would be abl e to resist the urges and callings of the Nog. As his lips first touched the Nog he was struck with an epiphany, he knew he was through, because he could not stop himself. The man drank the entire gallon and his body was latter found next to a broken p itcher - not a drop of Nog in sight, he had imploded.
Oh glory of glories! The prophecies have come true. With the flying of the hale-bopp comet and the lunar eclipse, the mighty Nog has returned! Yes, risen from the milky grave of Christmas the Nog has made it's appearance once again in local groceries. The holy vessel now covered in images of eggs and rabbits instead of trees and fat men in red.
Heed my warnings and prostrate yourself to the might of the Nog. Soon it shall come again and on the third sighting the Nog will strike down all those who oppose it. It will then ascend and take its throne as the supreme leader of the universe and bring its worshipers into a golden age!
Here are warnings of the Nog and it's might.
Links to people places and things that show the devout followings of others
obviously another noggian
In a supermarket the other day, something caught my eye. In one of the aisles marked "Liquid products with the potential for offending and exploiting bovines" there was a dark and twisted carton. The carton was labeled "Lite Egg Nog" and boasted "73% l ess fat and 33% less calories than regular egg Nog." What is the world coming to?! I hope most of us can remember when we didn't have to worry about the exact fat and cholesterol content of our Nog. Give me a break!
A lie I found
NOGIAN SCRIPTIURE.. In the beginning, God said the Word and the word was NOG. The word that began the universe, that spawned all life, all creation, was NOG! Bask in it's radiance, feel the love of NOG or freeze for all eternity in it's shadow. The NOG h as been a part of human history from the beginning. It is a known fact that at the Last Supper, Jesus Christ broke bread and shared NOG with the apostles. Another fact is in the Ancient Hebrew tongue the word NOG means "above all," or "greater even th en the greatest." The legendary food (nectar) of the god's was named NOG and it is what sustained the Roman and Greek deities. The Norse word for mead, NOG was a gift to the Norwegian people, "The drink of life" And a more recent fact was that Brigham You ng was given a quart of NOG when he saw Jesus in Utah and they shared it.
By Dalton Camp
The only thing I didn't like about federal Health Minister Diane Marleau's total ban on tobacco advertising was that she didn't go far enough. Despite repeated urgings from health authorities and admitted addicts, she did not extend the ban to eggnog. A cabinet source who asked not to be identified said "the eggnog thing" did not come up during the cabinet discussion of Marleau's proposed advertising ban and the crackdown on the display of tobacco company logos at sporting events. "We can't be all thin gs to all people all the time," the source said. "We'll probably get to eggnog somewhere down the road." A spokesperson for the Canadian Association for the Prevention of Eggnog Consumption (CAPEC) said in a statement released to the media on Monday, "the health minister is obsessed with the health problems created by tobacco while, at the same time, the consumption of eggnog is rising steadily, especially during the holiday season and among children and women. The minister's failure to act exposes Canadi ans to a cardiovascular firestorm." A spokesperson said the minister would not likely comment on the charge by a Toronto cardiologist that politics was involved in the decision to proceed with the tobacco ban without dealing with the "mounting problems ca used by over-indulgence in eggnog." The cardiologist, who asked not to be identified, told a hastily convened news conference, "If you ask me, the failure to deal with the health crisis caused by eggnog excess is a big win for the nutmeg lobby." In Vancou ver, the regional chair for Eggnog Anonymous expressed disappointment at the government's inaction. "Our members have pretty well given up in our attempts to persuade Ottawa to regulate the distribution and sale of this artery-clogger. We believe we are b eing ignored so as not to displease the Quebec dairy industry. It's that simple." However, a spokesperson for the Seaview Corp. said in response to queries, "Of course we're glad the health minister has not intervened with free market forces. As makers of Santa's Diet Eggnog, we believe our products, including Santa's Real Eggnog and Eggnog Lite, are healthy and nutritious. There is absolutely no compelling evidence that eggnog deposits cholesterol in the arteries of children. The fact some cardiologists recommend that their patients lower their intake of eggnog is not based upon reliable research findings but on superstition and mass hysteria." Seaview, which also manufactures a line of rum-flavored chocolates and hand grenades, is part of The Media Worl d Inc. and is publisher of Internet Tiding with a world circulation of 27.8 million. It has been producing Santa's Diet Eggnog, Eggnog Lite and Santa's Real Eggnog since 1992, following its acquisition of the assets of Troutbrook Family Farm, machine Tool and Defense Industries Inc. Clearly exasperated by CAPEC's criticisms, the corporation's spokesperson told the media, "Seaview employees thousands of Canadians, some of them permanently, and exports its products to 127 nations around the world. We make m oney the old-fashioned way -- we break eggs." In a related development, Ontario's Harris government announced late last week it was considering allowing the province's bars to remain open until 2 or 3 in the morning. Stung by the announcement, and its tim ing, a spokesperson for the Toronto chapter of CAPEC described the proposed government move as "just another Harris cave-in to special interests. This time, it's a Christmas present for the eggnog industry." Despite repeated demands from CAPEC that Health Minister Marleau "level with the Canadian people" about the growing problem of eggnog addiction among children, a spokesperson for the department continued to insist "we just don't have anything on that." CAPEC, however, points out that Marleau has acted to forbid tobacco companies placing their logos in prominent positions at tennis, gold or cultural events they sponsor in the belief children watching TV will spot the signs and start smoking. "I don't know about that," an Ottawa spokesperson for CAPEC w as quoted as saying, "but I do know that cartons of Santa's Diet Eggnog, Eggnog Lite, and Santa's Real Eggnog all have pictures of Santa Claus on them. This represents an implied endorsement by Santa Claus of a product family doctors do not recommend even for adults. It sends the wrong message to our children but the minister just doesn't get it." To advance its campaign against eggnog consumption over the holidays, CAPEC has issued an advisory warning to parents "to keep eggnog out of reach of children." The statement continues, "The best place to keep eggnog is on the shelves of your grocery store. Try mulled apple cider as a pleasing replacement." In response, the National Association for the Advancement of Nutmeg and Paprika has issued a pamphlet of i ts own. Illustrated with a picture of a happy Santa Claus seated on a bar stool, the caption reads, "If there is anything better for Xmas than eggnog, it's eggnog with rum or sherry and a dash of nutmeg or paprika. Everyone's favorite for holiday entertai ning and family gatherings, young and old alike." Neither CAPEC nor the minister of health could be reached for comment.
An excellent example of worship by others the pious group known as the 'Melvins' devoted an entire album to the holiest of things NOG
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